I always feel like if people are going to roll or go to a rave for the first time they should go with me so I can show them what this scene is really about. I really want them to grasp that crazy, unbelievably loving and magical atmosphere. Hearing someone else not have a good time makes me really sad because they didn’t get to experience the PLUR and fantasy of it all. That is all.

Muscular, happy and carefree + shirtless frat boys at raves = guilty pleasure 

They’re so fun to talk to and rage with. I’m sure the same goes for guys seeing carefree hot scantily clad women with all their kindness, glitter and glory. LOL. But I love everybody doe :3

“People listen to music, but I live music everyday. It doesn’t matter if it’s EDM, hip hop or whatever.”

 There’s a big difference between listening to music and actually feeling it. I wish everyone knew dat feel.

I respect you a lot if you’re family (or designated “family”) and especially if you’re older. I don’t expect you to respect me, but at the very least please don’t talk down to me and be so condescending when I don’t even know you. For someone older and with so much more experience, I at least expect you to be more open minded and welcoming. That is all.

My parents left for Asia again, back to business for them. I’ve been sucking it up for the last year or two but it’s just too much. I don’t have a home, I don’t have a plan, I don’t have enough money. Every time my grandma calls she asks “So have you figured out how you’re going to move into your apartment next year? Have you figured out how to transfer the bill accounts? The addresses? Have you figured out how to do ____ for the family?” Where do I start? The parking lot is 3 blocks away for every trip I need to make for storage. How about for larger items? I’m not going to ask my grandma’s elderly male friends to help me life things and carry boxes. None of my friends are willing to drive down to SJ and waste their gas. As for bills and handling China->America transfers… yeah how the fuck am I supposed to know what to do on the spot? I just have to suck it up right?

It’s not a big deal, I CAN figure it out and I will. But it’s rough sometimes. I just keep dreaming about being thrown in a city with a bunch of luggage and no one to call for help. When my family was here I tried to show appreciation but sometimes I still felt very distant and alone. It’s come to the point I don’t even want to feel attachment to my family. The numb helps stop me from feeling this miserable and alone, but sometimes it crashes I really just need some attention and help. I hate it. I hate relying on people and feeling emotional and I hate being in need. 

There’s never a back up plan. I feel like a constant charity case because I really can’t operate or completely do this on my own. I don’t have enough resources or ability to do many of these things. I keep trying to and trying to but its too much to handle. Just too much. Sometimes the pillar needs something to lean on too. And if you’re going to anon hate me and tell me “stop whining ur life isn’t so bad,” then just fuck off.

I just keep reminding myself I don’t deserve to play if I can’t put in the work. To me, there’s no point in going 50% in work and 50% in play. Gotta put 100% in both. You either go hard with both or get outta the game. Here’s to studying my ass off for EDC. Cheeeers

to be honest i think people who like me are just normally full of BS. if you like me because you think i’m pretty, then you’ll leave me because you found someone prettier. if you like me because i’m interesting, you’ll leave me once you think you know what i’m like. so even if things are going well for a week to a month, the slightest hint/foreshadowing a person will cheat or leave me really tempts me to push them away. i don’t know how much bullshit I’ve heard over the years. people that have said that i’m their soulmate- that they like me SO much. significant others that were crazy about me and then suddenly distant for no reason. boys that say they trust me unlike they’ve ever trusted others that end up cheating on me lol. i don’t understand why you would even look twice at a flirty ho when you say that you’ve got something great in front of you.

too many times over and over again i’ve given the other person the benefit of doubt. stayed faithful, stayed caring, stayed true. all in vain. i didn’t think it was possible, but now i’m even more paranoid about who i trust. you’re interested in me? great. you like me a lot? great. you SAY you want to be there for me? fabulous. but that doesn’t mean anything to me. even if those things you say are true, it doesn’t matter. you can love me today and still forget me tomorrow. 

To better understand the world, you must first understand that you know absolutely nothing

What did you think about say, 4th graders when you were in 3rd grade? Were you right? Were you wrong in the end? When did you actually KNOW what it was like to be a 4th grader? Only  when you finally went into 4th grade yourself right?

It didn’t matter how much you read about what 4th graders did or what they looked like or how they dressed. It didn’t matter what 4th graders told you what being in 4th grade was like. It didn’t matter that a 4th grader was just one measly grade apart from you.

You didn’t KNOW until you became a 4th grader. You had a really good idea, you may have been close.. but you didn’t know. 

Similarly, you don’t know much about anyone or ANYTHING until you yourself go through the same exact thing or experience it first hand. Everything else is still an assumption, so keep that in mind. I’m not saying it takes killing a person for you to understand not to do that shit LOL, but I’m saying you’ll never know what being a killer is like.. until you kill someone. Wow this sounds terrible haha. Just always remember that even an idea you’re EXTREMELY certain of can be different from what it actually is.  

“I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing” - Socrates

maybe there is no such thing as a soulmate, and it’s our expectation that there is one out there for us that drives us mad.